I recently received an email from Joe Soll, well known psychotherapist and author of Adoption Healing, a path to recovery, among other books. For some reason I had never listened to his videos on Youtube, in part because I am so comfortable and happy, after a life of adventures, thrills, some roller coaster rides, but always surrounded by love and supportive family members and friends.
Scrolling down the list of Soll's numerous videos, one in particular caught my eye, Fear of Abandonment. It resonated as especially following my divorce over 19 years ago, I remember feeling as if indeed my sacred family and I had been abandoned. When I went to a therapist [for the first time in my life], he gently began to list the number of losses I had experienced since my infancy, with an emphasis on loss. But I internalized all his words by substituting "loss" with abandonment. Listening to Soll's tape, I replayed that period in my life and the many internal dialogues I periodically had conducted within myself. I finally realize how right Soll is. Abandonment is profoundly different from loss. All of us who have been adopted have suffered deep losses but we were never truly abandoned, with no access to food, shelter, human care. Even if left on the steps of a temple, an orphanage, a sidewalk, our birth mothers who for whatever reason were unable to keep us, wanted us to be found and cared for.
I hope that you will watch Soll's video and reflect on its deepest meaning. Even at my age, it caused a change of perspective and made me feel lighter.
Thank you, Jazz, for your moving and feisty song. Relationships are among the greatest challenges as one moves through life, but knowing who you are, being true to yourself and resilient, will always allow you to "move on" in the best sense and for the right reasons. Big hugs to you.
Love to all Oneworlders,
Welcome to ONE WORLD: Chinese Adoptee Links (CAL G2 est. 2007) Blog!
FOUNDED BY A GROUP OF EIGHT, YOUR ONE WORLD HOSTS ERIN, ANGELA GEE, JAZZ, JEANNETTE LOAKMAN, JENNIFER BAO YU 'PRECIOUS JADE' JUE-STEUCK, DR. MEI-MEI AKWAI ELLERMAN, AND SABRINA SPAN 3 CONTINENTS and REPRESENT 6 GENERATIONS of CHINESE ADOPTEES. (scroll down for more details)